Before

you’ve been watching the crash
like a black bracken flower
petal fragmenting and shredded remnants
the white throat slit like a mercy
and heaven’s pour opened with hell
your cry echoes with anger
a destroying sea and the next light
is unforgiving, another swell, the next rise
undying, you tremble, but with so much hope
cling to the things you thought you could
barbed sweet nothings whisper against your lips
you sigh in delirium, like you mean it
before it came to pull you under
before it came to this
before it sank so much deeper than you want it
before you could bear it any longer
before you begin

you’re left bleeding on the bed
another dawn has ended in tears and fears
this is beyond your expectations
far out of reach, beyond logic
you calculate coolly as you step out
tired wind dies against your face
there has been no reprieve, no relief
another death has passed you
yet you live like a resurrected calling
you ache for the things you hated
you leave the things you loved
there has been no break, no befores
no afters, no long lingering goodbyes
you have been torn into one, into many
a loss of aims, a gain of desires
collapse and rebuilt within recognition
another day has arrived for you to smother
step forward, head high with self-pity
no mercy no cry no weeping
the gravel shatters, you get on your feet
you rise again with such ease.