Before

you’ve been watching the crash
like a black bracken flower
petal fragmenting and shredded remnants
the white throat slit like a mercy
and heaven’s pour opened with hell
your cry echoes with anger
a destroying sea and the next light
is unforgiving, another swell, the next rise
undying, you tremble, but with so much hope
cling to the things you thought you could
barbed sweet nothings whisper against your lips
you sigh in delirium, like you mean it
before it came to pull you under
before it came to this
before it sank so much deeper than you want it
before you could bear it any longer
before you begin

you’re left bleeding on the bed
another dawn has ended in tears and fears
this is beyond your expectations
far out of reach, beyond logic
you calculate coolly as you step out
tired wind dies against your face
there has been no reprieve, no relief
another death has passed you
yet you live like a resurrected calling
you ache for the things you hated
you leave the things you loved
there has been no break, no befores
no afters, no long lingering goodbyes
you have been torn into one, into many
a loss of aims, a gain of desires
collapse and rebuilt within recognition
another day has arrived for you to smother
step forward, head high with self-pity
no mercy no cry no weeping
the gravel shatters, you get on your feet
you rise again with such ease.

Blue

purely innocent
beyond a doubt
we bathe in the light
of planets, solid blue
with despair etching itself in stone
and we read and smile
like nothing is wrong

we thought we could be happy
we are, in our way
there have been doubts, undoubtedly
hallucinations and delusions
admittedly real

march of the apes
unhaltingly, like my death
resurrection is insane
arcane, we dream inane
and beg for life to be the same

we dream of the light of planets
solid blue
our eyes are shut
chaos and we rue

Disenchantment

so i set myself up with hopes,
with those precious iceboxes
hopes like solid ice cubes
stewing in the safe arctic air
those boxes, locked up

hear stories of dead people
myths of ruin and glory
all down in dust
useless inconsequential dust
would you have treated them
the same way
though you don’t say

Psychedelia

watched Placebo live
Molko gave me his shirt
Matt had a samurai knife
slashed Doherty with a spurt

flew through my kampung streets
treaded air like water
met a girl with some sweets
met a boy; it wasn't her brother

gave them Oreos and glucose drinks
they skinned my cat and ate him
found Potter's eyes on the Kerinchi link
the girl had got him creamed

Drama team ditched the reunion
someone had the nerve to rat
he died after eating the Malaysian Onion
I don't feel so sorry; he's so sad

gobbed myself on Panadols
took a psychedelic trip
saw you die in brilliant whorls!
broke my sleep, bruising lips

Stasis

were i dead
i'd believe you
come back to bed
sad fat no clue

freeze of blood
fade quench glitter
futility in flood
comes to a head

jarring night
fairy fags my love
turn off the light
red heart to leaden blue